Direction

It has been quite some times since I ever really start writing in this blog. The number of posts I wrote over the past two years decreased dramatically. This might be a good proof that housemanship in Malaysia is really very busy, or maybe it is just a proof that I have been using busyness as an excuse to be lazy in writing, on top of the fact that there is a place to write quick and short posts in this place called Facebook, something that I used to resent and ridiculed so much, but now I am hooked on it everyday. 

Anyway, the reason I really start writing a proper post (instead of copy and paste the email I wrote to Frank and Lora) is because of this quotation from one of my favourite writer C.S. Lewis:

Not really because I am fed up with life, but kind of directionless now, after finished two-year housemanship. It have been many ups and downs, but the sad part is - the downs are more than the ups. Still drowning in my old sins. Still being distracted by so many things. 

Still addicted to many things. Main issues here of course are the time, money, and my devotion to God. John Calvin penned it very well, “Man's nature, so to speak, is a perpetual fabricum idolarum (factory of idols).”

It has been five days since I am on leave, and sadly to say, nothing much was accomplished. I am interested in emergency medicine, but the path before me seems to be so vague and full of mist. Andrew Chai's picture perfectly illustrates my current situation:

Managed to complete that long letter to Frank and Lora. Very anticipate the update from their side in the State, and above all, the exaltation from them. Finished reading "Crazy Busy" by Kevin DeYoung, but didn't put what he taught into practice. Reading the biography of George Muller at the moment. But still kind of hard for me to learn how to entrust all things to God. Maybe this is one of the important lessons God wants me to learn, in fact I think God had already start teaching since few weeks back. I lost a few gadgets, on the same days. Yet they aren't the essential things that will influence much in my work. Immediately His Word came across my mind: "Let those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away." (1 Corinthians 7:31)

Another thing that quite of bothering my mind, is a sister whom I have interest in. Half a year ago she met a new guy. Not much news nor information on this guy. Just hope he is a fellow believer as well. Sometime I asked myself, what will happen if I do something earlier, if only I will be more courageous, if only I choose my posting in Sarawak, will thing change in a better direction? But it is a known fact that to ask the "if" question is usually futile. Perhaps it is time for me to forget about it, though it is difficult. Still find it hard to digest what Paul said, "I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that." (1 Corinthians 7:7) And until now I am still asking, " Do I have this similar gift that God gave to Paul?" Previously have been entangled in a relationship with another fellow. Kind of messed up, because in the first place she is not a believer. And now this fellow is appearing on and off in my working place. Maybe it is not an bad idea to get my new posting in the Land of Hornbill.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1)

I read this interesting account in George Muller's biography. As William Reader was going to leave George Müller's Orphan-House and enter his apprenticeship, Müller put half a crown into Reader's left hand, a Bible in his right.

Müller: You can hold tighter with your right hand than with your left, can't you?

Reader: Yes, sir.

Müller: Well, hold to the teaching of that book and you will always have something for your left hand to hold...  Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. (Psalm 37:3). Goodbye, my lad, goodbye!

___________________

I don't intend to put down roots in any one place,

but to travel around preaching as and where God directs me.

- George Müller -