爱与被爱

两个短发戴眼镜脸带笑容的灿烂女孩。

一个是自己喜欢的人，但却不敢踏出第一步。

一个能一起敬拜的人，

一个能一口同声的歌颂赞美，

一个能一起说阿门和呼喊哈利路亚。

但却害怕她不能接受自己对钦定版的观点，

不能和她在同一条大道上奔向祂，

同时也担心会成为她在天禄历程的绊脚石。

一个是喜欢自己的人，但却不敢回应接受。

一个能明白自己的工作，

一个能分担各自生活的点点滴滴，

一个能一起无话不谈，天南地北的谈论。

但在分享诗篇时换来的却是寂静，

在灵命和灵粮上却没有共鸣，

在天禄历程上好像没有她的踪迹。

在爱与被爱之间，如何抉择呢？

在喜欢和被喜欢之间，如何回应呢？

有人说，爱是一种责任。

是应该先安守本分，

还是选择付出和背负责任？

Repent, Rend, Return

"No one sins out of duty. We sin because we want to. Sin promises happiness, and we buy the lie. So how can the root of sin be severed in our lives? The penalty of sin must be paid by the righteous blood of Christ. And the power of sin must be broken by banking on the promises of Christ." - John Piper, Future Grace: The Purifying Power of the Promises of God.

We are sinners, and even though we are saved by the blood of Christ, we have not attain perfection on this side of eternity. Everyone has some specific sins that they struggle with. Sometime we struggle so long that we give up. Sometime we even doubt whether our confession and repentance is genuine or not. Sometime we feel so shameful to come before God to confess for sins that we committed again and again.

After the exiles came back from Babylon to their homeland, the people of God supposed to rebuilt the temple, the place they worship God, but they have neglected it for many years. Yet God sent the prophet Zechariah to tell the people: "This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'Return to me,' declares the LORD Almighty, 'and I will return to you,' says the LORD Almighty." (Zechariah 1:3)

God asks us to return to him, no matter how many times we fail, because He will return to us. But He wants a repentant heart instead of a superficial act of remorse.

"Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and He relents from sending calamity." (Joel 2:13) 

Rend our heart, return to God with a contrite heart, because David sang "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." (Psalm 51:17)

“拒绝基督的福音越久，心就越刚硬。“ - 林顺恩
"The longer you resist the gospel of Christ, the further your heart will harden." - Ling Soon Ing

"The time has come," Jesus said. "The kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe the good news!" (Mark 1:15)

The time has come, let us stop resisting, let us repent, rend our heart, with a contrite heart, return to the LORD our God, for He is full of grace and mercy, and will return to us.

A Not-So-Orderly Account

Therefore, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning,

it seemed good also to me to write an orderly account for you,

most excellent Theophilus.

Luke 1:3

This is the reason Luke wrote his version of the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. Hence I am going to write also an account of this encounter with her, for myself, as a reminder of this painful lesson.

It was in summer 2010, this lady approached me via MSN messenger (something that was popular at that time), just a simple encounter, to ask whether I have this particular book. She is not a believer (for some it is not important, but for me it is utterly vital) Neither one of us will ever know how thing will further develop at that time. Since we have an intermittent chatting, via this web chatting.

This kind of chatting getting more complicated when we came back from summer holiday in fall 2010. We start to chat more and more frequent, eventually to daily basis. Neither one of us know that we have start to fall into this dangerous pit. We start to talk about all things, school life, family, classes, lectures, friends. Though we are not from the same age, yet we chat, and chat, and chat. And not without ending a chat with saying a proper 'good night'. And both of us gladly want to keep everything in this small chatting window, and not letting others know that we start to develop this relationship, maybe both if us fear the unnecessary gossip from unnecessary people.

From the bottom of my heart I start to know, something is not proper. She is not a believer. She is not. I keep remind myself that there is a boundary that I cannot cross, yet I can't control my heart. I still develop this special feeling for her. I keep using this excuse that I want to share the Gospel with her. I literally share the bible verses from Genesis to Revelation to her. Eventually I share the Gospel with her, invited her to Christmas dinner with the proper Christmas message shared in that event. I keep deceived myself that she is responding to the Gospel, but the fact is that the seed never grow in the soil, before the seed lands on the soil it was snatched away by the bird. She never confess, she never seek the truth, she never believe in this Saviour. Why? Simply because she never recognise her sins and her need for a Saviour. The born again experience never occurs in her life. That Christmas event is just an occasion for her to exchange gift. That Christmas is just an occasion for us to exchange Christmas card. The Word never went into her ears.

One of the reason she starts to open up to me, is because initially I am not too close, so that she can secretly share her deep feeling with me, her deeply wounded heart, from her previous relationship. She had a boyfriend before, and apparently that person hurt her deeply. I used the word "apparently" because I only heard this version of the story from her and not from other people around us. The part that very annoyed me is that she keep dilly-dally with this person that she hated so much for hurting her. But people said love and hate are the flip-sides of the same coin. I can sense that she still have feeling for this person. And it annoyed me. I was here willing to spend time with you and you keep thinking about this person that so-called hurt you.

I tried to keep a distance from her, tried to temporary stay away from this web chatting. But my heart is still thinking of her. I even shared this with my pastor, and he offered tremendous advice and counsel, and prayers. The scary part about her, and the part when things get more complicated was when she started to rely more and more on me. I mean, even to very simple thing. I tried to help her, I offered her help when she need it, I even pray with her (once only). But what she need is not me, but God.

The twist of the account is when she started to complain more and more about the people around her, and thing worsened when she started to complaint a brother of mine in the church. Although she was very close to me that time, but how dare she bashed my brother in Christ. I tried to solve thing peacefully with her. But she keep murmuring, and it showed the ugly side of her, by using not foul language, but very disgraceful words. Eventually I directed the conversation to her. I confronted her of her sins and her need for repentance. She was annoyed, she was pissed off. She just stop the conversation with the excuse of headache (we were both medical student at that time, please don't bluff me with this kind of stupid excuse).

Anyway when the conversation was done, I quoted Hebrews 3:15 "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion." on my messenger status. She saw it and confirmed with me whether it is referring to her. My affirmation triggers her anger. She is offended to be known as 'rebel', she denied that she is in rebellion, she sees not her sins against this Holy God. She was so offended by the last part of the verse that she forgot the first part of the verse, where I wanted to remind her to not harden her heart if she hear God's voice. Seems like she didn't hear His voice. The Word of God is like so sharp, like a double-edged sword, it either pierce the heart of flesh and break the pride of the believers, or it pierce the heart of stone and offend the mind of non-believers. Apparently His Word did the latter to her. The worst is she understand not the concept of forgiveness, so she bashed the core of my belief.

This confrontation also end our relationship abruptly in summer 2011. She did apologised of her rudeness. But I see no repentance of her sin of unbelief. I need not her apology in this matter, I only want her repentance and her confession of a need of Saviour. But it didn't happen. Eventually I keep myself away from her. A broken glass can never be fixed back. And we became strangers, or even worse than that. I didn't even attend her convocation which I promised (my preparation for examinations was more important at that time). I met her 2 years later in the hospital, but I pretended that I didn't know this person. She either doesn't recognise, or does the same thing that I did - pretend didn't know me.

I do recalled a event where we actually asked each other, what we were to each other. We only mentioned that we were friends. Neither one of us confess that we think each other as someone closer than friends, we never said it out, though my heart think otherwise. The sad part is that I saw her revert to her belief in Buddhism that she followed all these while. I don't think it is correct to use the term "revert" since she never believe Christ in the very first place.

A painful encounter, but a deep lesson.

___________________

 

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverb 4:23

Direction

It has been quite some times since I ever really start writing in this blog. The number of posts I wrote over the past two years decreased dramatically. This might be a good proof that housemanship in Malaysia is really very busy, or maybe it is just a proof that I have been using busyness as an excuse to be lazy in writing, on top of the fact that there is a place to write quick and short posts in this place called Facebook, something that I used to resent and ridiculed so much, but now I am hooked on it everyday. 

Anyway, the reason I really start writing a proper post (instead of copy and paste the email I wrote to Frank and Lora) is because of this quotation from one of my favourite writer C.S. Lewis:

Not really because I am fed up with life, but kind of directionless now, after finished two-year housemanship. It have been many ups and downs, but the sad part is - the downs are more than the ups. Still drowning in my old sins. Still being distracted by so many things. 

Still addicted to many things. Main issues here of course are the time, money, and my devotion to God. John Calvin penned it very well, “Man's nature, so to speak, is a perpetual fabricum idolarum (factory of idols).”

It has been five days since I am on leave, and sadly to say, nothing much was accomplished. I am interested in emergency medicine, but the path before me seems to be so vague and full of mist. Andrew Chai's picture perfectly illustrates my current situation:

Managed to complete that long letter to Frank and Lora. Very anticipate the update from their side in the State, and above all, the exaltation from them. Finished reading "Crazy Busy" by Kevin DeYoung, but didn't put what he taught into practice. Reading the biography of George Muller at the moment. But still kind of hard for me to learn how to entrust all things to God. Maybe this is one of the important lessons God wants me to learn, in fact I think God had already start teaching since few weeks back. I lost a few gadgets, on the same days. Yet they aren't the essential things that will influence much in my work. Immediately His Word came across my mind: "Let those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away." (1 Corinthians 7:31)

Another thing that quite of bothering my mind, is a sister whom I have interest in. Half a year ago she met a new guy. Not much news nor information on this guy. Just hope he is a fellow believer as well. Sometime I asked myself, what will happen if I do something earlier, if only I will be more courageous, if only I choose my posting in Sarawak, will thing change in a better direction? But it is a known fact that to ask the "if" question is usually futile. Perhaps it is time for me to forget about it, though it is difficult. Still find it hard to digest what Paul said, "I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that." (1 Corinthians 7:7) And until now I am still asking, " Do I have this similar gift that God gave to Paul?" Previously have been entangled in a relationship with another fellow. Kind of messed up, because in the first place she is not a believer. And now this fellow is appearing on and off in my working place. Maybe it is not an bad idea to get my new posting in the Land of Hornbill.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Hebrews 12:1)

I read this interesting account in George Muller's biography. As William Reader was going to leave George Müller's Orphan-House and enter his apprenticeship, Müller put half a crown into Reader's left hand, a Bible in his right.

Müller: You can hold tighter with your right hand than with your left, can't you?

Reader: Yes, sir.

Müller: Well, hold to the teaching of that book and you will always have something for your left hand to hold...  Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. (Psalm 37:3). Goodbye, my lad, goodbye!

___________________

I don't intend to put down roots in any one place,

but to travel around preaching as and where God directs me.

- George Müller -

Ironic x2 Shou

When I said the patient can admit no one bother to send the patient up. Fine, everyone is busy.

When I didn't consent to admit the patient they send the patient up, to the wrong department, and the referral team haven't come and see the patient yet. Now they bug me to settle it. Are you kidding me?

Blood bank officer asked me send back the blood to blood bank. When I want to do the so they said I have to call the blood bank officer. What is this?

I have to clerk the patient myself,
Check the vital signs myself,
Set IV cannula myself,
Take blood myself,
Run urgent blood myself,
Check Dxt myself,
Set up the IV drip myself,
Serve the medication myself,
Put up oxygen myself,
Do ECG myself,
Put on cardiac monitor myself,
Check the urine dipstick and UPT myself,
Send patient to X-ray myself,
Refer case myself
Prepare admission myself.

I can do that for one patient, but do you expect me to do for all patients?

They called this a premium hospital,
But we are short of staffs.

When things not done,
Houseman get blamed.

When MA and PPK go MIA, no one bothers to look for them, and houseman has to do their job.

When houseman was away for a while everyone is hunting for them, and find all sorts of way to locate them. Maybe it is a good thing that technology is not so advance until they can locate houseman with GPS.

What we need is more SN, more MA, more PPK. But when urgent things need to be done by these people, houseman has to do it, cause HO = hamba orang.

They said we have excess housemen,
But apparently this premium hospital don't have enough housemen.

Even a premium hospital cannot provide standardised care with shortage of staffs and when the system is overloaded.

P/S: The name of this post is inspired by the anime Durarara x2 Shou.

Past Miracle and Future Grace

Looking at what need to go through to arrive here,

Looking at what happens around Jerusalem where I am working,

Looking at the people that work in the temple built by Herod,

Looking at the unknown of the future,

Looking at what happens to other people,

The voice keeps screaming in my heart,

That I have chose the wrong path,

That I have chose the wrong profession.

But the blessings that was poured out in Nazareth,

The miracles that was performed at Mount Olive,

The fish that was drawn up from the Sea of Galilee,

The Scripture, stories, accounts that were heard in the synagogue,

The Great I AM that I met at the land of Galilee under that blue sky,

Told me that,

"No, it is not a mistake."

"No, it is not by chance."

"No, it is not out of my sovereign control."

"No, you are not on the wrong path."

"Yes, it is my degree will."

"Yes, my will will be done, on earth as in heaven."

He says,

"Therefore...... 

Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, 

and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. 

Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, 

but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. 

Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, 

because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, 

whether he is slave or free."

(Ephesians 6:5-8)

____________________ 

 

 The past miracle happened at the Red Sea 

to deliver us from Egypt - the land of slavery, 

gives assurance to us to trust in the future grace 

that will be poured out at the Jordan River, 

to deliver us to Canaan - the land of promise.  

面子书

在面子书看见很多老板工作背后的另一面。
（真是顾名思义的面子书）
忽然觉得面子书很恐怖。
你看见别人的另一面，
但别人也可以看见你的另一面，
那真实的一面。

深感无奈

无端端的忽然需要为一装小事

写 explanation letter。

只能深感无奈。

为什么自己没有在打多一通电话，

然后写下来。

为什么没确保那到袜子。

为什么留下那么多烂摊子给别人。

最终还是自己要扛下那烂摊子。

现在还要写这无聊的 explanation letter。

开工七个月，还是第一次写酱的信。

而且同事还连夜打追魂电话。

只能深感无奈。

巴宁老师，

虽然从你身上受益量多，

对外科及手术深感兴趣。

但在这里中央医院的外科经验，

只能说，每天带着忐忑不安的心。

老师真是抱歉，

多数不会在外科读专课吧。

PS: 这里居然没做 McBurney's incision。

还是那一句，

只能深感无奈。

Those Days

I miss those days, 

when after squeezing in those crampy bus or van, 

I can go to this place, 

flipping the same pages of the Book.

 

I miss those days, 

when after traveling through those blizzard, 

I can go to this place, 

to have a cup of hot tea, 

and have these candies in the mouth

 

I miss those days, 

when after those hectic classes and lectures, 

I can go to this place, 

to share those thoughts and dreams,

that usually won't discuss with neither family nor friends.

Yet the Bible says,

 Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" 

For it is not wise to ask such questions. 

(Ecclesiastes 7:10)

摩天轮

今天和中学的朋友一起去 i-City。
基本上是个游乐场，但设施简陋。
比较特别的只是夜灯很漂亮。

本身很少在夜晚的时候出去。
在这夜晚玩的时候，
第一个想到的是你。

回想起以前在伏尔加各勒，
当时你邀我一起和其他一班朋友，
打算夜晚去看雷射秀。

虽然没看得成雷射秀，
虽然和一大班不是很要好的朋友在一起。
但却很享受和你一起看街边喷漆彩绘，
一起和你在咖啡厅喝茶，
一起和你走路回宿舍，
在安静的夜晚和你分享心声。

这一切时光，
都留下了刻骨铭心的回忆。

现在在这人潮拥挤的 i-City 里，

想和你一起玩碰碰车，
想和你一起坐海盗船，
想和你一起享用晚餐，
想和你一起观赏夜灯，
想和你一起搭摩天轮，
想牵你的手，
敞开各自的心声。

但我们分隔两地，
不知何时才能和你
一起共渡这样的时光。

你想和我一起搭摩天轮吗?

Scholar or Practitioner

Seriously I am very lost in the ward. I am not sure what is going on. I am not sure what I need to do actually.  I don't know where I need to go.  I don't know what I exactly should write.

Seriously, I am lost in the mist of busyness. The awkward moment when everyone is busying with something, and I have nothing to do, or should I say, I don't know what I actually need to do.

I am tagging now, and I am called a tagger. Honestly,  this must be the greatest misnomer ever in medical field. It is not like you are tagging along or following a senior and learn how to do the ward stuffs. No, by no mean. It has nothing to do with the word 'tag' . What it means is, you are just working from 7 to 10 (I mean 7am to 10pm, not 7am to 10am), and you are basically doing the same stuffs.

On top of it, you are not in the shift schedule. No one is assigning you to any place, or any cubicle, or any room,  or any patient, execpt the clerking schedule.

Another awkward moment is when I found something to do, but I don't know how to do it. I mean, a random patient, which I kkow nothing about of it, what do you expect me to review or to write.

Seriously,  I am very lost. I feel that I am a good scholar, but a bad practitioner. I know the theory well. if I don't know anything, I am willing to learn it. I xan even teach people a challenging and even a boring topic. However,  I feel like I am a bad practitioner. I don't know how to put the knowledge into application.

Attitude is important, but how should my attitude be?

I am lost. My LORD and my God, guide me in the wilderness, let your cloud guides my way in the day, and let your pillar of fire shows my path in the night.

小儿科

虽然小儿科

一点也不 “ 小儿科 ”，

但是却一见如故。

 

一翻开小儿科的课本和手册，

一年前的回忆，从记忆里的深渊，

一个一个的被钩起来。

  

想念起当时的专科和主任，

想念起当时的前辈，

甚至遇见当时的同事。

 

当时实习的经历，

唤起了要当小儿科医生的念头。

 

不知未来的日子，

是否能克服与小孩的代沟呢？

以后是否会待在小儿科呢？

 

花

当别人问我想把花送给谁，
我第一个想到的人就是你。
但是我却没有勇气送给你。
 
在婚礼时，卓霖深深记得
他的妻子对他说的第一句话。
 
从前风闻有你，
但如今亲眼所见。
 
我不记得你对我说的第一句话。
我只记得在大一考试期间，
宿舍的一只猫被车撞死。
 
当你知道后，
你责怪我为何没有救它。
你让我知道，
就算面对多少次的死亡，
也不能对死亡麻木。
  
第二次的对话，
是当你更我拿大二生化的大课。
那时你偶然听到
我在听飞儿乐团的歌。
我还记得是《爱 • 歌姬》那个专辑。
  
当时你的表情忽然改变，
非常激动，非常兴奋，
并马上更我拷贝那专辑。
  
从此我们有共同的喜好。
在大三时我们一起分享
《让我们一起微笑》的专辑。
 
在大四考试期间，
你在面子书上要我一定要看
《亚特兰提斯》的音乐影片。
当时的心情，
除了感动，
还是感动。
 
但我能对你说那三个字，
因为我对你感到
万分抱歉。
 
在你被嘲笑时，
我却坐视不理。
 
当你被抛弃时，
当你伤心慾决，
需要被人安慰，
需要别人关怀，
需要他人慰问，
 
我却丝毫不知道，
我却什么也没做。
 
一直对你感到很愧疚，
所以一直想补偿你。

但除了补偿，
还想对你表达
我的心意。
 
但却不能给你任何应许，
也给不了你任何未来。


所以只能鼓气勇气，
把握第二次送花的机会。
   
还有对你说
《对不起》
。
 

Should I?

Sometime, in fact, many times,

I wonder this question:

Does discussion on Facebook group ever works?

Either educationally, medically, or spiritually,

Does it ever work?

I doubt so.

  

Once, I try pour my heart, 

my strength, my mind, my soul,

Into such discussion,

Does it really work?

I really doubt so.

 

Most of the people,

Just simply involved in it,

Why are they in?

Simply because the identity that they have.

Simple because the work that they involve.

 

At the end of the day,

Only few faithful one,

Committed to maintain it,

Continue to sustain it.

  

Should I care about it anymore?

Should I once again,

Pour in myself into it again?

 

O Lord,

Is this your way,

To restore the joy of my salvation?

  

O Lord,

Should I?

Restore unto me

O Lord, if You are really the God who is there,

help me to find a place in your story.

  

Come, I pray, for the out-pouring of Your Holy Spirit.

Come, I pray, and guide me in your story.

 Come, I pray, tarry not.

 

You have called me to be Your child
and to be a physician in Jerusalem,

therefore continue, I shall, to serve You
and fulfill Your Greatest Commission,

as a physician of body and soul.

 

Help me to remember the first love that I have forsaken.

Help me to remember the height from which I have fallen.

Give me a heart of repentance.

  

____________________    

 

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, 

and uphold me with a willing spirit.

Psalm 51:12

 

路

多么希望那天一起走的那段路

是没有尽头
没有终点

 

好希望可以牵着你的手

敞开各自的心声

一起走完这个
天路历程

 

但现在我只能在远方
默默地守护你

希望你能找回
自己原来的颜色

 

愿主保守你的脚步

不让你再次成为迷失的羊

  

只能对你说三个字

对不起
  

保罗和马可

当初我们选择一起委身，

你却一声不响做了决定，

你却选择什么话也不说，

你却半途而废独自离开。

  

当人用尽方法联络你，

是你刚硬了自己的心，

是你狠狠的不理不睬，
是你选择马可的道路。

  

既然你选择放弃这一切，

  

请不要后悔你的选择，

请不要回头乞求帮助，

请不要哀求任何帮助，

请不要渴望人理会你，

请不要提出一起小组，

请不要要求一起学习，

 

不要遇到困难的时候，

才想要选择联络我们，

才想请求我们的帮助。

   

因为是你先选择放弃，

因为是你选择独自行，

因为是你不理会我们。

  
请不要以为我是巴拿巴，
我比较喜欢保罗的样式。
   

____________________  

  

 要照愚昧人的愚妄话回答他，

免得他自以为有智慧。  

箴言 26:5

  

Answer a fool according to his folly,

or he will be wise in his own eyes.

Proverb 26:5

 

Yoke: Ox & Donkey

I always like to have bible study

to study the Word of God together.

    
I always like to have fellowship
to share our testimonies together.
  

I always like to have a study group 

to study and prepare for exam together.

  

I always like to have CME to teach one another 

and to study patient's case together.

   

It is because I always believe that 

  

"Two are better than one, 

because they have a good return for their work"

(Ecclesiastes 4:9) 

  

and 

  

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another"

(Proverbs 27:17). 

  

But it is also written that: 

 

"Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together."

(Deuteronomy 22:10)

   

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like 

an egg-and-ham breakfast: 

the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'. 

  

After all not every single person is committed like a pig,

and some stop to be a pig.

It is sad to stop something, 

but if the commitment is not there anymore,

maybe it is better to just stop

and continue to move on, by our own pace
with God.
 
 Whom have I in heaven but you? 
And earth has nothing I desire besides you. 
My flesh and my heart may fail, 
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
(Psalm 73:25-26)

   

____________________

  

Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.

Deuteronomy 22:10

 

距离

不喜欢阔大蔚蓝的天空，
还是比较喜欢在宁静的深海里游。
那片天空可能永远不是属于我的地方。
唯有深海才是我的栖息之处。
唯有在深海中才能寻找到那平安。

在沿海地帶放逐我的愛　孤單也很精彩
我相信我們都有該去的未來　不該在原地徘徊    
在耶路撒冷放逐我的愛　忧愁也很快乐
我相信上帝给我生命的方向　不該在原地徘徊    

 

____________________

  

有些距离看不见，但却一直存在，而且很遥远。

   

IN / EX ?

Note: It has been a long time for not writing something long. Now I present you a confession of an introvert.

  

Every student that learns Latin and/or Greek knows that the prefix "in-" denotes something inside, while the prefix "ex-" denotes something outside. Examples are internal/external, include/exclude, intensive/extensive. And last but not least, introvert/extrovert.

 

Ever since I was young I have this kind of introvert's attitude. Like to do things alone. Love to do things that is meant to be done alone. Game, anime, reading, blogging, social network, sleeping will be his list of habits. Until 23 years old only I confirmed that I am a pure and true introvert. 

Not to say that introverts do not like to associate with other people or don't have friends, but introverts just simply not good in socialising with other people. They take time to know other people and be friend with them. Hence they tend to associate with old friends, and tend not to get new friends.

 

Not to say that introverts do not like to do group activities or hang out with others, but introverts simply do not know what to do in group activities, in which there are many strangers. Because they do not know what to do or say, they feel these type of group activities is a waste of time, since they can spend the same amount of time doing something more beneficial and constructive. Hence they tend to involve in activities that involve just a few people, or simply in activities that was meant to be done alone, as listed above.

 

Not to say that introverts are proud, but introverts simply do not know how to express their emotion. Hence they are usually emotionless. The emotion that they usually will show is shyness, but somehow this shyness perceived by some people as prideful.

 

Not to say that introverts never fall in love with other people, but introverts simple do not know how to express their feelings. They scare their confessions fail and the friendships will be destroyed, especially in view of the limited amount of friendships they have. Hence they rarely and sometime never confess to their love ones, even if they become really close with the one they love. Sad isn't it?

 

It have been year for an introvert to live like this. And it is discouraging for this introvert. However yesterday this introvert heard a confession from another introvert. It is encouraging to heard him said these words:

Plead with God to make your in-disposition to be with people a blessing to people. 

In other words, I would say after 33 years, my default after preaching is to go home and pray and read, not to hang out for three hours over a meal. That’s my disposition. 

I do hang out for an hour and pray with people,  and I’m glad I do, 
and it is rewarding to do it.... 

If you're wired that way, instead of constantly praying God would make you 
another kind of person, pray that he would make you really useful for people. 

I think he’s done that for me....  
 - John Piper - 

 

Can introvert be a loving person? Yes! 

How introvert loves others? Through the characters and the activities of an introvert, blessings can be pour out to others, by the grace of God.

Solution? Plead with God to make your in-disposition to be with people a blessing to people.

____________________

  

But by the grace of God I am what I am, 

and his grace to me was not without effect. 

No, I worked harder than all of them — yet not I, 

but the grace of God that was with me.

1 Corinthians 15:10