Because I don't want

Because I don't want to be a general surgeon.

General surgeon usually works with biliary system.

Bile is produced in small amount and gall bladder is small.

Urine produced in large amount and urinary bladder is bigger.

Bile is excreted with stool but urine is excreted as urine.

This is the answer given by Alexander Alexandrovich Kuznetsov when I asked him why do he want to be a urologist after I answered him during my general surgery exam.

Many people like him because:

• He is a very 'hebat' urologist.
• He looks very cool, like a mafia.
• He is a very good teacher.
• He received English education in US, so his English is very good.

Ok that's all about his info.

Sometime we make a choice, not because we like that choice, but is because we don't like other choices that's available. Just like Kuznetsov don't want to be a general surgeon and become a urologist, the same is for me. I choose medicine, not because I like it, but because I don't like physics, engineering and pharmacy.

I was offered medicine in Russia. I don't think anyone like a post-communist country. But I don't like form 6, and my parents said they cannot me to go private college. So I chose to come to Russia, though I didn't really Russia and medicine.

But this is how God bring me out from my comfort place and maken himself known to be.

It is at this place I know about him.

It is at this place I start to pray to him.

It is at this place I start to worship him with songs.

It is at this place I start to call upon his name.

What an odd place to meet God.

At a marshrutka stop,

beside a small hill,

at this remote country.

But this is how this awesome God appears to his people, this is how I was found by this never-say-die Galilean.

He doesn't have to appear in front of you, because your sinful nature cannot stand his holiness.

He doesn't need to speak with his own mouth, because he can let a piece of paper do that job.

He doesn't need to appear in beside you to let you feel his presence, because he is omnipresence.

He didn't stretch down his arm to help you, not because his arm is too short, but because he prefers to let other people too help you.

This is the way he do thing,

not in a simple manner that you can think of,

not on a extraordinary manner that you expect,

but through daily circumstance that you can never think of and that you can never do it by yourself.

I want to be a doctor, because I don't want to be a pharmacist or engineer.

And this is how He brought me to this place, through the 'choice' that I made, just because I don't like other choices.

____________________

In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.
(Proverbs 16:9)

最后的吩咐

＂华文小组交给你了＂
这是他留下的一句话。
这是他留下的一个吩咐。
一句带着很大重担的话。
一个带着很大责任的吩咐。

起初，只带着记者的身份，把小组的境况报出来。
应该带领他们，却把责任推给他人。
应该关心他们的成长，却漠不关心，一闻不问。
但渐渐地被他们那颗单纯的信心而感动。
渐渐地被他们对上帝的渴望而鼓励。
与其教导他们，反而从他们身上学到很多。

现在的我得扛起这责任，
继续带领他们，教导他们，
在已经被撒种的地方，继续浇水。

Short Prayers

Lord, I am willing
To receive what You give,
To lack what You withhold,
To relinquish what You take,
To suffer what You inflict,
To be what You require,
To do what You send me to do.

Note: A prayer, unknown author, found in the book entitled "Growing Your Faith" by Jerry Bridge.

I believe in the sun, even though it doesn't shine,
I believe in love, even when it isn't shown,
I believe in God, even when he silent.

Note: Carved on the wall of a concentration camp during World War II.

Starry Sky

Source: From anime Bakemonogatari Episode 12. I would like to put the photo that I seen from the airplane window, but my handphone camera is not so good to capture the scene.

How beautiful the sky is, how beautiful is the horizon. Beneath the sky is the ground, dark ground, but with some lights from the houses. On top is also dark, the dark sky, but with some lights, from the sky. A starry sky, a sky decorated by the starry hosts. As you moving down toward the ground, the dark sky is slowly replace by blue hue, from dark blue, slowly to light blue. But from cold colour, it slowly change to warm colour, from light blue, slowly it enlightened with some orange hue, and become red, or should I say, bright orange. Between the sky and the horizon, is clearly demarcated by distinctive clear border of the ground. As the plane slowly moves toward the east, the dark side of the sky is slowly replaced with more blue hue. Rather than the dark ground, what is seen is clouds, many fluffy clouds, so closely arranged that they form a canopy that cover the whole ground. Sometime the sky is so overwhelmed with clouds that even the blue sky is covered. The plane is moving through a bunch of clouds, a cloud nine. The cloud is so thick that even the plane will wavers. But as the plane moves through the clouds, layers by layers the clouds go away, and what remains is the sun that has rise up at the east, which brings light to the sky and to the world, and took away the darkness. And the clouds beneath reflecting the light, but at the same time the clouds give out shadows that pointed away from the sun. How magnificient, how wonderful, how amazing. Who paints this wonderful sky? Who decorates it with starry hosts? Who created all these glorious nature?

Lift up your eyes on high and see: who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, by the greatness of his might, and because he is strong in power not one is missing.
(Isaiah 40:26 ESV)

It has been a long time for not sitting beside the window. It has been a long time for staying up throughout this lonely night because of insomnia. But it is this time that I sit beside the window, it is this time that I stay up throughout the night, and it is this time that I see this wonderful view, starry sky.

For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.
(Romans 1:19-20 ESV)

The wonder of this nature is reflecting the glorious glory of the Creator. Creation doesn't prove the existence of God, but only with the existence of God that creation was created.

超人不会飞： 后序

改编自周杰伦的同名歌曲

上帝说很多事别太计较
只是使命感找到了我我睡不着
如果说读书要有点技巧
我会加点旋律你会觉得超炫
我教书不是为了炫耀 （炫耀）
所以放心不会人妒忌 （妒忌）
我读书考试不需要小抄
因为上帝是我绘画的颜料

我做很多事背后的意义远比你们想象
主日去教会为了敬拜我的上帝耶和华
学业再繁忙也难抗衡我对神的渴慕
因为我的人生无需再多一张那文凭

我不知道何时变成了医大的模仿生
被人辱骂不能发脾气要大器的模样（怎样）
我说的言语要有点文化
因为随时会被人批评
ВолГМУ 能不能等我俄文好一点再考
MCQ 的考试能不能不考
随时随地注意形象
要控制饮食不然就跟 Dekan Office 相片的我不像（本来就不像）
每一年的毕业典礼时候有很多医生毕业何时才能等到我毕业

喔～
如果超人会飞
那就让我在空中停一停歇
再次俯瞰这个世界
会让我觉得好一些
喔～
读书考试好累
虽然有些疲惫但我还是会
不要问我读完了没
因为超人不能发牢骚

***

考试要拿最佳好学生
读药理学就必须要拿个автомат
你不邀请他人讨论就是没有礼貌
你有邀请就是代表你很在乎
教书时你用心解释 （解释）
人家就会觉得你炫耀做作 （做作）
你不解释别人就会说太嚣张
如果你真的不会解释那些人甚至会叫你骗子 （骗子）

当 MCSC 举办活动时
你也要给予充分的支持与赞助
吃的饭不能太好
穿的衣不能太贵
我到底是一个医大学生还是好人好事代表

考试一考就必须拿五分
每个学期就必须是全五
只能说当超人真的好难

喔～
如果超人会飞
那就让我在空中停一停歇
再次俯瞰这个世界
会让我觉得好一些

喔～
读书考试好累
虽然有些疲惫但我还是会
不要问我读完了没
因为超人不能发牢骚

____________________

我不是超人，更不是上帝，
因为我只是个罪人。

超人不会飞： 真正的超人

The truth is, never never will anyone be Man of Miracles. Only Jesus alone can.
Only He alone can do something that I can't do.
Only He alone can turn water into wine.
Only He alone can feed five thousand with five fishes and two bread.
Only He alone can calm storms and have control over nature.
Only He alone can go beyound the boundaries of time and spaces.
Only He alone can make the deads walk out from their graves.
Only He alone can be tempted in all ways, yet sinless.
Only He alone can forgives sinners.
Only He alone can take up the cross.
Only He alone can bear up the sins of the world.
Only He alone can rise up from the grave.
Only He alone can be the Man of Miracles.

Since only He alone can did it and I can't, so I choose ......
to turn away from my own righteousness,
......and put my trust onto Him, who fulfill all righteousness,
to turn away from trusting my own power,
......and trust on the power of His that can raise dead,
to turn away from my own works,
......and trust on the work that He did, once and for all, on the cross.
to give up my own Geass,
......and receive the Geass of Faith from God,
......and He also promised a Code of Eternal Life for me.

耶稣会飞吗？他没有穿超人制服，但他战胜死亡，战胜地心引力，被提到天上去……

____________________

After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them,
he was taken up into heaven
and he sat at the right hand of God.
Mark 16:19

超人不会飞： 超人的骄傲

虽然不是超人，但曾经相当超人……

I have dream to be Zero, Man of Miracles. Those who are anime fans will know that Zero refers to Lelouch in the anime "Code Geass: Rebellion of Lelouch (反叛的鲁路修)". After signing the contract with C.C., Lelouch has Geass that can order people to do things according to his will，i.e. the power of absolute obedience. Such a great power, even greater than having a Death Note that takes away human lifes. His power is describe as Power of King 王の力 . Even when his father want to create the world with his own Code and plan of Ragnarok, yet Lelouch still can overthrown his father plan with his geass. When he does it while activating his Geass, he said, "You think so? I am Zero! The man who works miracles!"

Lelouch vi Britannia, activating his Geass.

Isn't cool be be Zero that can performs miracles? To do something that no one else can do? That has been one of my dream. Why? Cause pride has sprout out from the sinful nature of a man.

Lelouch vi Britannia, the 99th Emperor of the Holy Empire of Britannia.

Never though of being No.1 in school, but by accident, I managed to be No.2, and my marks is just less than that of No.1 by 0.01%. So from that moments onward, I know, that I might have a Geass too, that by my wills and power, I can be No.1, and I did become No.1 in school. After caming here, though doesn't have ranking system, but somehow, I managed to get an unofficial avtomat for Anatomy, because teacher recognised my knowledge. And so, my pride grows more. By accident, I also secured my Physiology avtomat, but more important, I also managed to get avtomat for Biochemistry, not just getting, but being the first one and the only one among my batch to get it. I did something that no one else did before, and I though I really can be Zero, Man of Miracles that can do something that no one else can. But when I know more about God, I realised, how useless I'm before Him.

Through many incidents, I realised my weakness.
I can't even chase a marshrutka with my wallet dropped in it.
I can't even determine who will be my teachers.
I can't even secure the health of my teacher.
I can't even manange my time. I can't even control the wills of other people.
I can't even change the decision of other people.
I can't even control the circumstances around me.
I can't even see my future. I can't even make others to like me.
I can't even stop sining.
I can't even secure my salvation.
I can't even understand what am I doing on Earth by my pathetic knowledge.
I can't even have eternal life by my own pathetic righteousness and power.

Do I really have a Geass, the Power of King to be Man of Miracles?
No...... and never will I have it.

Edward Elric, though that he can bring the dead alive, something that only God alone can do it. At the end, he didn't revive his mother, but his also lost his limbs, and his brother body.
____________________

Pride goes before destruction,
a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18

超人不会飞： 超人的孤单

"Later wanna enter together first?"
"Sorry no, I want to repeat a while first. You go in first la, you sure can answer."

"Later wanna enter together as first batch?"
"Okay."

Then I am walking towards the the examination room,
but when I turn back, I saw them waving their hands to me......
They broke their promise. Though I'm not angry, but I feel alone......

考试一开始，我喜欢第一个进入考场，我选择做先锋。不是因为我心有成竹，不是因为我已经温习了十遍，不是因为我对考题了如指掌。我只是想快点一了百了，不想藕断丝连（用词不大恰当），不想再犹豫不决…… 因为先孤军进入考场，所以也先单独走出考场。

"If I grant you power, could you go on? ...... Accept this contract, and you accept its conditions. While living in the world of humans, you will live unlike any other: a different providence, a different time, a different life. The Power of the King will condemn you to a life of solitude. Are you prepared for this?"

In the anime Code Geass: Rebellion of Lelouch, this is what C.C. said to Lelouch before they sign the contract. But I never prepared for this Geass, the curse of Geass.

从来没有要接受超人的称号，从来没有要接受这王者之力，但别人却硬硬把这些称号加在我身上。人人以为做超人是很威风的，做王是掌权的，但没人知道超人制服和王者面具的背后却是孤单……

劉若英: 一輩子的孤單

我想我會一直孤單 這一輩子都這麼孤單
我想我會一直孤單 這樣孤單一輩子

天空越蔚藍 越怕抬頭看
電影越圓滿 就越覺得傷感
有越多的時間 就越覺得不安
因為我總是孤單 過著孤單的日子

喜歡的人不出現 出現的人不喜歡
有的愛猶豫不決 還在想他就離開
想過要將就一點 卻發現將就更難
於是我學著樂觀 過著孤單的日子

當孤單已經變成一種習慣
習慣到我已經不再去想該怎麼辦
就算心煩意亂 就算沒有人作伴

自由和落寞之間怎麼換算
我獨自走在街上看著天空找不到答案
我沒有答案

天空已蔚藍 我會抬頭看
電影越圓滿 就越珍惜傷感
有越多的時間 就越習慣不安
因為我總會樂觀 過著孤單的日子

我想我會一直孤單

The Loneliness of a King

____________________

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.
I will make a helper suitable for him."
Genesis 2:18