One of the greatest writers, C.S. Lewis said, "Whenever you are fed up with life, start writing: ink is a great cure of all human ills." That's why I am writing this post or dairy or journal now. It is obvious that I am writing (or more correctly, typing) now, but what illness that I intend to cure with ink (or more correctly, keyboard)?
Recently I feel very depressed, or lost of direction. I found out that I have lost my interest in medicine. Maybe I should say, I found a greater interest, that is theology. Progressively I start to love to read and study theology. I start eating the Bible in big chunk daily, reading more Christian books, reading articles on DG and TGC, listening to audio podcast, watching video sermons, even to the point of studying the New Testament's original language, which is Koine Greek. Books, Internet and technology make all these possible.
But the sad thing is that, this new-found 'interest' develops on the expense of my interests in medicine. I am not a person that good in balancing or distributing his time. Seriously, if a person is good in time management and prioritization, he can really do many things at the same time (not really simultaneously, but together at the same pace). Sadly not only this does not happen on me, but also the fact that this new-found 'interest' doesn't really shorten the gap between my Great Creator and myself. Natalie Grant sings it well:
I spend my life to know,
and I am far from close,
to all You are,
the greatness of our God.
(Natalie Grant, The Greatness of Our God)
I am always wonder this question, does God wants me to pursue a full-time ministry? But circumstances told me that I should stay on this path. Moreover, it is written, Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. (1 Corinthians 7:17)
I tried praying Psalm 51:12 again and again. But it seems like my sins are keeping this distance from God. I am not sure whether my procrastination and my hobby (idolatry?) in making Gundam plastic models are the causes or the risk factors of this illness. Nevertheless, they are crippling. My procrastination behaves quite strangely. Sometime it manifests in its usual appearance: sleeping, lazy around, watching TV, surfing on Internet and social media. But sometime it manifests in a subtle way, or should I say, it masquerades itself under the mask of busyness or useful activities: swimming, jogging, reading books, learning new language.
The opposite of "procrastination" isn't really "work" or "do". At the end of the day, procrastination doesn't really mean you are doing nothing, but avoiding doing something that you are ought to do, by doing other works, either meaningless vain activities, or useful edifying beneficial works.
I realized that I am been running away from my responsibilities by doing other works, some may not be good in themselves, but some are good in themselves. Doing something that is good in itself doesn't make that act good. What make that act good, is the motive that drives us, the way we work it, the manner we perform it.
For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected
if it is received with thanksgiving,
because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.
1 Timothy 4:4-5
*** Epilogues ***
I am surprised by myself that I am writing this piece of work now. This idea inspired by many other author that I read.
First is C.S. Lewis, the author of Mere Christianity, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Screwtape's Letters, and so much more. In his writings, he likes to discern something correctly. It is a rule of thumb for him to describe every single detail of thing, regardless it is concrete object or an abstract idea. He can always describe things that are running in my mind, but I never able to put it orderly in words.
In writing. Don't use adjectives which merely tell us how you want us to feel about the thing you are describing. I mean, instead of telling us a thing was "terrible," describe it so that we'll be terrified. Don't say it was "delightful"; make us say "delightful" when we've read the description. You see, all those words (horrifying, wonderful, hideous, exquisite) are only like saying to your readers, "Please will you do my job for me.” — C.S. Lewis
Second is Kevin DeYoung, the author of The Hole in Our Holiness and Crazy Busy. He makes it clear that busyness is not the opposite of laziness. You maybe busy but still a lazy person. We seems to be so overwhelmed by so many things in life, yet we are not using our time wisely. So laziness is not being not busy, but avoiding things that you ought to do by being busy in the things that you are not ought to do.
Third is John Piper, the author of Desiring God, Future Grace, The Swam is Not Silent series, When I Don't Desire God. Like C.S. Lewis he like to think something correctly. At the same time he still appreciate the poetic effort to present an idea in beautiful sentences, rhyming lines, or even poem. He also connect glorifying God and the pursue of joy, so that the answer to the first question of Westminster Shorter Catechism makes more sense, more practical, and while avoiding heresies of both extremes.
But at the end of the day (this phrase is inherited from a GI specialist), does writing this thing going to change myself? Does this ink of writing will cure my illness? I don't know. We all know that God is the one that changes a person's heart, since He is the one that make it alive. So will God use this piece of writing to change my heart. I know not.
I have nothing to do with tomorrow.
My Saviour will make that His care.
Its grace and its faith I can't borrow.
So why shall I borrow its care.
I am not sure when I will write again in this blog. Indeed at this place, many ink was spilled to cured the illness of my heart. I am not sure the busyness in my next phase of life will hinder me to continue to write. Only two things I hope. First, may this busy life make me work the best out of every hour of life that was breathed unto me from God. As the saying goes: If you want a job don't quickly, give it to a busy man. Second, when life is too overwhelming, may there a secret door of Corrigan for me to pray, to communion with God in His Word, and spill some ink at this place to cure my illness and restore my joy in God.
____________________
Whenever you are fed up with life, start writing:
ink is a great cure of all human ills.
- C.S. Lewis -
