My Pilgrimage 2007—2012

My Pilgrimage 2007—2012 (我的天路历程 2007—2012)

Double-Edged Sword: Looking Back from the End of 2012

It had been quite some times for not writing about my ownselve or my life. Recently I just post some hymns (which are really wonderful), and some "emo-emo" stuffs. It comes to the end of 2012, and I think it is good to look back what God has done in me for the past 6 years in Russia. 

First Year 2007/2008 - 1 John 4:10 NIV

This is love: not that we loved God,  

but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

This is a verse written on my personal Bible by a brother in Christ, who gave this Bible to me. Little do I know at that time that this Bible will become my personal Bible which I will use for daily Bible reading. Even though I think of switching to using ESV or KJV, especially those bilingual English-Chinese Bible, but I didn't do it, simply because I memorised many verses according to the location of that verse, eg. left lower corner of that page. However the more important implication is that this very verse that he quoted, contains the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. God loves us, and sent his Son as the perfect atoning sacrifice of our sins, that we may live and love God. But at that time I haven't come to Christ yet, even after reading this verse. Maybe this is the spiritual blindness that was describe in Matthew 13:14 and 2 Corinthians 4:4.

Second Year 2008/2009 - Hebrews 13:5 ESV

For he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

This verse is basically the transition of my life, the split second where I repented and trust my life in the Lord Jesus Christ. For the first time in my life, the Word of God is so living and active, speaking directly to me, like a double-edged sword that penetrated to my soul and spirit (Hebrews 4:12). For the details of this account, please read this post and this post. It is on this small little hill, with this verse written on this little bookmark, I met the King of Kings, and the Lord of Lords.

Third Year 2009/2010 - Mark 9:24 ESV

Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, 

"I believe, help my unbelief!"

This is an account of a chinese brother in Christ, who is now studying in St. Petersburg. That time he has some doubts in his mind after coming to our Koinonia fellowship for few weeks. During his conversation with our pastor, Frank (and I was there as a translator), Frank quoted this verse to him. After that I read this account in the Gospel according to Mark. While I was still reading it, tears flow out like river (figuratively, not literally) from my eyes. For the first time a verse makes my tears flow like river. This simple verse answered a question that many people asked: What we should do when we lost faith? The answer is so simple: I believe, help my unbelief. I remember the conversion of this brother made me wrote this to my pastor:

I feel so glad and overwhelmed with so much joy. I saw his heart where change by God, from an unbeliever he start to seek for God, in his heart God gave a desire to seek Him. His life changed, not only he himself feel it, but people around him also can see God works in him. And the most interesting is that I see him just like seeing a mirror. Last time I also used to doubt like he did, trying to believe but feel like don't have enough faith to believe and trust God, afraid to be away from the fellowship. It is just so wonderful to see how God touches people lifes in different ways.

Fourth Year 2010/2011 - Hebrews 3:15 NIV

"Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts 

as you did in the rebellion."

A verse that broke up a friendship. I remember during that time I was ministering to a female friend. I have been sharing the gospel with her for quite some times, sharing the Christmas account, quoting verse from Genesis to Revelation. She didn't reject the gospel, but she didn't accept the gospel also. The worst is that I developed a romantic feeling to this person.

There comes a time when we were quarreling over some issues. Long story short, she accusing some of the brothers in my church. I try directing the topic about someone's sins, to her own sins. At the end I quoted this verse on my instant messenger status. I want her to listen to His voice, don't harden her own heart, and take that step of faith. Yet instead of focusing the initial half of the verse, she only focus the latter half of the verse: as you did in the rebellion. She is annoyed, she is offended, for the fact that I was saying she is in rebellion (after all, the cross is offensive, the message of the gospel itself is offensive). 

She never accept the gospel, simply because she don't see the need of a Saviour, since she don't admit herself as a sinner. I realised that after ministering to her for such a long time, I never present the most important part of the gospel: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). The Word of God is sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart (Hebrews 4:12). Not only it penetrates her hardened heart and offended her, it also penetrates my heart and show me the reality about her and myself. Though she apologised the next day, but our relationship is never the same anymore.

Fifth Year 2011/2012 - Philippians 3:8 NIV

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared 

to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, 

for whose sake I have lost all things. 

I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.

After that incidence, I started to curtail away our relationship, since it becomes a stumbling block to my faith. Eventually I cut off my connection with her totally. I 'deleted' her from my friends list in instant messenger, since 'blocking' her doesn't stop me from thinking about her. However from time to time I feel a sad that I lost not only a friendship, but also a chance to have a romantic relationship. 

Yet this particular verse reminds me that it is better to give up the things that will make you give up your faith, like what a sister in Christ says. Jim Elliott said it well: He is no fool who give up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot loose. For the sake of my Lord Jesus Christ, I choose to give up many things, including something which many people trying to pursue in this world, so that I may gain more of Christ. I may done in a wrong way, but I know it is something that I need to do, for the sake of Christ.

Sixth Year 2012/2013 - Proverb 27:17 NIV (and also Hebrews 3:15)

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

As time passes, many seniors in Koinonia fellowship had graduated. This is the problem with student ministry, they come, and they go. The problem is many graduated, but not much come. Eventually there is no more fellowship (or small group) in the hostel. A healthy christian life should consist of a triad: (1) prayer, (2) reading Scriptures, and (3) fellowship with brothers and sisters. We should continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose (Philippians 2:12-13). However I have been concentrating on working out my own salvation with fear and trembling. We should work out our salvation with fear and trembling. This thing strikes me even more when I read back a sharing that I wrote few years ago, and the foundation to which I wrote this sharing is this verse: As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another (Proverb 27:17).

I realised that I need to have this kind of close fellowship again, and I saw the opportunity. Initially I though I'll wait a few weeks and see, but again Hebrews 3:15 penetrates into my soul. The Holy Spirit is telling, "Not tomorrow, but today!" Eventually I contacted my pastor to find a way to set up this fellowship. 

Hebrews 3:15 strikes me a lot when I was reading a book entitled Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman. He quoted this verse in the chapter "Whenever. What about now?" This verse calling me not only to take an immediate response to set up this fellowship, but it also calling me to take immediate action to put to death the misdeeds of the body, so that [I] will live (Romans 8:13). There are many sins that I struggled (or should I say, cherished) in my life. But by His power and grace, through a sermon, I managed to put them to death. Read this post for more details.

This is basically my pilgrimage from 2007—2012. 

Have you step on your pilgrimage?

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For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword,

it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow,

it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Hebrews 4:12